Thoughts On Losing My Mother

Zinnia15Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing before you. Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath! Selah Surely a man goes about as a shadow! Surely for nothing they are in turmoil; man heaps up wealth and does not know who will gather!
(Psa 39:5-6)

It has been thirty years now since my mother passed away. I’ve lived past her age when she died. Although the intensity of the sorrow has diminished with time, there is still a void in my heart and life that will never be filled. This time of each year is always sadder for me because of the memory of losing my mom. There are a few things that I am driven to think as I recall this event in my life.

    Life can change drastically in minutes. Tragedy and Joy can happen without an announcement preceding it (James 4:14). My mom was in the prime of her when she suffered a massive brain bleed and died within a couple days. She wasn’t sick prior to this. I am not saying we should be terrified to live for fear of dying. Rather we all need to be living every moment to its fullest (Job 9:25-26). Take the needed time to enjoy your time here, make the most of the joy-filled days you have.

    We will leave a legacy behind (1 Cor 15:58) Our families and friends will remember us with fondness or with aversion. How we treat others is the key to how others remember us. Each of us leaves a part of ourselves in the lives of others. Our interaction with others molds who they are. Make sure that we are building up and not tearing down.

    Life goes on. Sorrow is a powerful emotion. It has been thirty years and I still hurt. I can cope with sorrow much better now than at the beginning. It has been the same with other sorrows that I’ve experienced. It is never easy and each sorrow impacts me a little differently. In each case life keeps happening. Other people won’t feel your pain like you do and they mean no harm by continuing their lives while you are hurting. Eventually you will learn to cope with your pain and be able to join the rest of the world again.

I miss my mom and have many unresolved emotions that won’t ever have closure. I suppose every year about this time I’ll relive my hurts and in some ways I think that is good. The sorrow brings with it other memories too. Each year, at least for a few weeks, I remember my childhood; happy and sad times, kisses and spankings, all the pieces of life that my mom fabricated into me. I am also reminded that soon I’ll be leaving my loved ones with a sorrow they will bear. I hope I give to others more fondness than hurt.

Joseph D. Chase
Missionary to Jamaica
(940) 536-3325
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